819-S006

4

The Utopia is a broad topic that cannot be defined concisely. Itthus is no wonder that several issues arise from the essay written onthe topic of Utopia. The paper starts with an epistemologicaldefinition of the term utopia whereby my peer explains the utopia ashaving originated from two Greek words ou and topos meaning the idealstate. The first definition is not followed by a further explanationof the word Utopia but by a brief distinction between dystopia andutopia. This definition seems to make the flow of the paragraph lesscoherent as soon after that my peer goes back to explain the wordUtopia in today’s world. According to me, the distinction wasunnecessary at this point and I would advice my peer to remove itfrom the introduction paragraph and put it in the next paragraph asit interferes with the flow of the introduction. The first paragraphcomes out as an excellent way of explaining to any reader who doesnot know what the Utopia means. The coherence of sentences andclarity of definitions is amazing. Utopia is a human being’simagination of a society, and is the most wonderful sense ofcommunity in the human mind.

The second paragraph introduces authors who are consideredanti-utopian and this would be a good place to bring the dystopiaidea.Explaining the distinction between dystopian and utopian is also agood idea as the article progresses into another idea. According toEileen (37) the difference between dystopia and utopia often seemsquestionable on whether the author had hope for a better future. Theword choice is not perfect as my peer uses the word hinge for exampleto mean conflict. It would be advisable to use words likequestionable if the sentence implies and idea that is not wellclarified.

Thefollowing paragraphs focus on the author’s intentions on the utopiarather than the writers ideas. In my peer’s view, Utopia is a fablehuman alienation and artistic redemption. Equality is an importantelement that the writer points out as all the same literally. Thisnotion of equality comes to explain that is stronger or agile thanothers or more intelligent as explained by the authors Harrison andKurt. At this point, the reader does not understand what directionthe essay is taking. I would suggest that my peer tries to explain tothe reader the point they are trying to put across to avoid giving areader mixed ideas. The paragraph seems to have many ideas definingequality and it appears unclear. The idea of industrial revolution inthe modern society may be an attempt to explain the Utopian sense ofwork but no explanation connects the two ideas thus making theparagraph seem like a completely new idea on its own. Despite that,my peer seems to have carried out extensive research on how equalitycan be achieved through human labor. According to the writer, inmodern society, everything is based on scientific rationality andbureaucratic, and codified, and everything like the human labor issimplified. Use of coding for level classification as compared tomore detailed social division of labor simplifies work and alienateshuman labor. Alienation of life admittedly does not fully comply withthe provisions of the novel of &quotequality&quot, however, whenpersonality is repressed, individuality is denied, the otherdifference is also worth mentioning it. The writer is trying to askanswers about equality.

The writer explains the term equality through several examples. Inthe real world level, it is like the government in the story, as isthe strict state apparatus. Rebellion and repression major conflictin the spiritual level, where HG is scientific rationality(instrumental rationality) and capitalist ideology’s symbol, whichsuppress the freedom of the human nature to make people not fully,develop their potential. In the art world, the aesthetic processes,people temporarily forget the reality unreasonable, and relieve thesame freedom in the main object of the process, the release ofpersonality. Harrison and female dancers have found salvation in thedance where they express themselves. Harrison is inspired by theworld of art, which is free, selfless, melodious creating a deepexperience of love, beauty, feeling of freedom. This paragraph seemsto have derailed from Utopia for a reader who may be reading thisarticle for the first time. My peer seems to be trying very hard toexpress their feelings about Utopia forgetting there is the practicaland reality part of the Utopia.

The situation slightly improves towards the end of the article whenthe writer says that Utopia is a dream situation. It explains the useof the artistic expressions as a personal way of defining the Utopiawhich is just an ideal state. Explaining the practical part of utopiaas compared to artistic examples would also be a better way ofexplaining the actual meaning of the Utopia. The article has sentenceconstruction errors and grammatical errors that need to be improvedto make the essay coherent.

Related Posts

© All Right Reserved