Peer Essay Evaluation Student`s
Inthe literate world, an academia is constantly required to organizehis or her ideas in a sequential manner and that which iscomprehendible by their tutors. This calls for constant essay writingin the inscription of our assignments by any student. However,students find themselves performing poorly not because of beingthickheaded but simply for the reason that they fail in the way theypresent their knowledge in the written form. The paper belowaddresses the many errors made by learners by analyzing a peer’sessay in order to know what strengths should be maintained as well asthe errors that should be corrected. A look at this evaluation willindeed serve many purposes, most importantly helping my friendimprove on his essay writing skills in addition to enabling me writebetter essays for my class work.
Thedissertation in question was meant to meet the needs of the eliteaudience by capturing the difference between the utopia and dystopiaworlds. The essay writer has a good command of what he is saying andthis is noted in the many referencing authors he uses to back up hisarguments and ideas. His is a work done after thorough research ofthe topic, a job that should be commended. The wide variety of thesupporting statements shows a student that is determined to bring outthe real idea and not that which has always been imagined.
Nonetheless,he fails to have a captivating introductory paragraph that wouldsomewhat aid in making his audience get hooked to reading the wholeof the prose. A glimpse at the first paragraph would not aid one inunderstanding his discussion without being compelled to read thewhole essay. This mixes up his audience. It would be advisable if heused preliminary statements like….Utopia is, while dystopia is….This would at least captivate the audience since they will understandwhat the author wants to talks about in the latter paragraphs.Moreover, a strong thesis is necessary if the audience is to keep onbeing enthusiastic about reading the essay. It would be advisable ifhe addressed this weak point since a pathetic beginning loses one’sreaders no matter how awesome the content that follows appears to be.
Ourpieces of writing should always be aimed at capturing and meeting theinterests of all strata of readers, be it slow, fast or medium. Moreto that, it should involve a simplistic flow of ideas that arecomprehendible and can even by understood by all groups of theliterate society, ranging from the highly elite to the low profilescholars. Jiang manages to meet only the needs of the medium and lowprofile group of academies (Jiang, 2015, p. 1-4). This is seen in theuse of the unsophisticated terms in his prose. However, the highprofile readers would term it as a poorly written piece of work.Don’t you think that juggling both simple and fairly extensivewords could at least have met the standards of any reader in thethree groups?
Atotal and shabby jumble is evident in the way he organizes his work.An overall fuse of the ideas in the individual paragraphs is quiteevident. It would be advisable if he first addressed the utopia andthen the dystopia world and then end up by showing the differencesand the interconnection that exists between the two. This would meanthat the reader would not get lost in the middle of the prose. Goodwork is conversely seen in the way he addresses the existence and thecomponents of the utopia realm. He uses concrete examples and evenquotes prolific writers like Frederic Jameson and William Gibson insupporting his argument (Jiang, 2015, p.1-4). This use of crediblesources helps in bringing out the best of the meaning of this world.Nevertheless, one wonders why he did not address the dystopia worldin the same length and effort.
Beingrepetitious further makes his text extremely boring .The word futureand world among others show a narrow use of vocabulary. It shows apoor command of language. Worse still is the way he fails topunctuate his work alongside having so many errors in his piece ofwriting. This calls for constant and careful proof reading in orderto correct these grammatical mistakes.
Hisprose shows a strong and positive attitude of the utopia globe. Hestrongly manages to show his readers the interesting bit about thisrealm leaving his readers quite tempted to join and even live in itbesides believing that it actually exists (Jiang, 2015, p. 1-4).
Onthe other hand, wrong use of the APA writing style is quitedemoralizing. One catches a glimpse of this even before reading thewhole of the essay. The merge of the references amid the final bit ofthe paper is quite irritating as it makes one think that the two areactually one and the same thing. A separation of the two pages wouldhelp it make the work appear more appealing.
Toconclude with, the writer should address the above discussed issuesin order to exhibit high proficiency in future writings. Theyinclude: ensuring conformity to the APA writing format, use of goodand strong introductory thesis as well as concluding paragraphs.After all is said and done the essay should be in tandem with theconventions of the approved grammatical skills.
Jiang,L. (2015). Doingis Better than Fantasizing.1-4.